The Tranny Nun

I got to tell you - I LOVE downtown Asheville ! I spent the better part of Friday evening chasing the "Tranny Nun"! Hilarious! I'm headed back this week for more. Look for pics of ther Nun, mimes, etc.

CATHERINE ANGULES SENTZ HALL 1930-2003

BELOVED MOTHER

Today is not a good day for me. I have cried and  I feel empty inside.

Today is MDay. I went to work. I went to church. I am numb. Totally numb. I laugh aloud at hysterical, random BS and then I cry for memories and opportunities lost with my Mom.

Grief and the Devil are my number one enemies. It seems they manifest themselves in my soul on occasions that was always "Mom Time."You know how it is: holidays, etc. It seems innocent in the beginning but after an hour or two I'm totally enveloped in darkness, anger, grief, desolation and LONELINESS! 

Loneliness is probably the catalyst. I work alot and wall myself off from friends and family when I know the DAY is coming. I went to church today in hopes that I "would put on the armour of God". I did. But when I got home, all alone, Satan stripped it from me like I was his whore. When you peer into the darkest recesses of your soul, how can I say it politely, IT IS TERRIFYING! 

Grief has a hold on me today. My Mom was such a kind, dignified, assertive, caring (too caring) and beautiful woman. My life totally changed first for the worst when she had her stroke in the early 90's. Such a proud, educated, humorous and compassionate woman reduced to an invalid in a wheelchair for the remainder of her life.

We made it the best we could. I finally accepted her prognosis and got away from the shitty thought patterns of "I can't stand to go see her like that in a nursing home".  I got my family to keep her involved in our lives whether it would be going there or bringing her home to us. Sometimes I needed shoulders to cry on and prodding to do his but I did. But you know what - Mom was happy when we spent time with her. And I was happy too.

It was hard to watch her die. I had warning. We came back to Asheville and held a bedside vigil for 4 days.I had to convince my sister that it was okay to let her go - ie: morphine OD. She could never be who she was. She was such an outspoken, radiant and loving soul. No one can hold a candle to her then or now.

She died on Friday, October 10, 2003 at 3:30AM in the Vascular Care Unit at St. Joseph's Hospital with Linda and I at her side. Her imprisonment had ended but my sentance of grief and remorse had begun. I'll never forget driving home at 5AM that morning in shock and getting a call from the funeral home asking permission to embalm her remains. Callous - efficient - who knows.

Funeral Mass & Graveside - I think-wiped from my mind for my own good. Even though I spoke of her passionately.

I have never disclosed some of these details to anyone - save one. Thank you for being there. I wouldn't have survived without you.

But nearly 6 years later, I hurt. It's not a dull pain but sharp and full of agony. 

My Mother never got to see me saved in church. I used to blame GOD for her condition and ultimate death. My selfishness once again. My church is an awesome place. I have seen prayers, healings and general miracles I never saw in a catholic church. She would be proud of me getting involved and worshipping the way its supposed to be.

Pastor N said today that he looked out among us and there were people there not wanting to "live" (grab the reigns and worship with all your heart) but "die" (little patty cake claps and praises). I want to LIVE. 

Mom - it saddens me I never gave you a grandchild. It was God's will. I wasn't ready. Today - I am a very different man. I'm older and wiser, but I still carry your heart in my chest. It is my sincere hope that God will banish the darkness attacking me today and allow me to do HIS will for HIS KINGDOM. I believe I will be a father one day.

Momma, you know how much I loved you and still  do today. But the pain and self destruction must stop. I cannot live in the shoulda and coulda's and despair and regret. I always promised you I will make you proud. Today that is my testimony.

I have rambled but I needed this. Blogging -  free therapy. May God bless all who read this and may my Mom's smile light up the heavens and chase away my demons!

W

Pritchard Park

I have spent the last several of my days off purusing Pritchard Park and the surrounding area.

I have to tell you that it is the BEST in entertainment and the most accurate raw example of what Asheville has to dish up on its plate.

Hippies. Homeless. Preppies. Yuppies. Skinny. Fat. Naked. Dressed to the nine. You name it - its there! I'm soon going to get a condo near PP. Can't wait!

Something about Mayfels, the Skybar, Grove Arcade and Asheville's undeniable strength, hope, wisdom and spirituality is calling me home! 

Anybody in the mood for chess?

soccer and balls

Tonight the very blessed Brookstone Lodge is full.

It is always a pleasure to serve God and guest. However at times both can be "intimidating".

Alas, it is nice to know the difference.

Please !!! Anyone who reads this. You have an open invitation to Breakthrough Church, Hit me up with directions or questions. Breakthrough is not just a church . . IT changed my life!!

Brookstone Lodge

The hotel is now open!!! Through blood, sweat and tears i persevered! Please give me a jingle anytime. I'd be happy to show you around.

As a side note: What's up with all these pirates and such???   ARGGGGGG...

Here are some realy cool things I want to do here each day of the week that I found on the net. Pitch in!

Monday: "Mentor" Monday
- Highlighting and elevating those mentors from our community who shine. I'll introduce you to some and you can introduce some to me. It is really about finding those role models who inspire us to be better.

Tuesday: Tuesday "Triumphs"
- Highlighting those who have triumphed over adversity. Add your own stories of facing challenges head on and not only surviving...but thriving!

Wednesday: "Wonderful" Wednesday
- What is wonderful in your life? Why are you happy? What gives you joy? Who makes you happy? This is the place and time to cheer our lives and loves!

Thursday: "Tell It Like It Is" Thursday
- What issues matter to you? What can we do to be better? How can we elevate our own game? Let's challenge each other to take it to the next level. Joyous Praise and Gentle Criticism...all in an effort to grow.

Friday: "Friendship" Friday
- Instead of highlighting the "hate", let's "appreciate" those who are doing "their thing!" Whether it is leading, creating, or simply shining in their own right. Let's shout them out.

Saturday: "Satisfied" Saturday
- A celebration of "Love"...fun, funny, joyous anecdotes of how the man or woman in our lives shows us love.

Sunday: "Simply Blessed" Sunday
- Your personal testimony to at least one blessing that you've had in the past week.

WOW

It has been a long time since I've updated.

I still can't believe in the worst economy of my life that I have got the best job I have ever had. I owe it all to GOD.

I have connected over the last several months with an astounding group from church that has not only encouraged me to be a better man but a true witness to GOD's GRACE. For that I am truly indebted to my brothers and sisters at BWOC, especially Pastors' Nate & Michelle.

I still sin. I am not perfect. I have learned through the WORD and Pastor Nate's message that I am still part of the KINGDOM and I will strive daily to please my HOLY FATHER.

Back to me...

It's been tough lately. New job. New responsibilities. But I am rising and I victorious. My setbacks will not deter me from my higher goal. It's just gonna get tougher in the next three weeks before the hotel opens. But you know what? I am ready for anything that gets hurled at me.

I still have my old weaknesses. This is tough. But when GOD whispered to me and I actually LISTENED - its no big deal anymore. I still freak out occasionally. My animals drive me totally batshit constanly. But - them being part of my family - I accept it completely. Cursing is a HUGE component of the "Old Will". Please don't get offended. Pray that I don't and I'm trying to stop.

The weather has been great. I love Spring. I hope Summer doesn't rush in to quickly.

I'm looking to my oldest friend N coming into town this weekend. He owes me a wiimote. I hope we can find a hip joint downtown for some catchin up!

Peace!

The Soup

Winter without snow sucks. Short days, cold winds, dry skin and chapped lips - and still no snow. I watched the news this morning and saw the 200 or so people camping out for Phish tix at the civic center. I know they're feeling the cramps and bone chilling temps. One question: why not use TicketMaster? It makes little to no sense to me.

Decisions. I'm really scared about a choice I'm getting ready to make. In the state of our economy, is it wise for me to swith jobs? And it is always fun when the PAST intersects the NOW. I have to believe someone is getting their rocks off watching me squirm and fret.

I know when it is all said and done, Pack Square will appeal to many. But downtown is such a mess right now. Traffic detours, construction barricades, etc = ugly Asheville. And another Bele Chere will be disrupted by this Asheville eye sore.

I'm down to only one WiiMote now. During his visit last weekend, my friend N decided the WiiMote he was using would somehow perform better with a baptism of tonic water. Alas - he has promised a replacement.

Super Bowl Sunday: having a big party at the church Breakthrough World Outreach Center. Chili cookoff should be good, but I'm going to set this competition out I think. After my last bruising, maybe I'll judge.

Can you believe a diehard Cowboys fan is pulling for the Steelers?

TECHNOLOGY vs. ME

I think I have now scared myself shitless! Blog, Facebook, Twitter - oh my! The end is coming - I can FEEL IT! All hands - ABANDON ship!

rain, vodka & obama

Sorry - been away for a while. The holidays were the usual mix of long lost friends, lots of good food and drink and the random spackle of unexpectedness. I also turned 40. I should hope that somewhere in my near future I can join a drum circle in downtown and celebrate it properly.
It is raining today and if I believe the powers that be - a ton of rain is on the way.I can rememeber when a was a youngling when it would .. shh...snow. Does anyone remember the big beautiful flakes that used to fall from the sky and make everything good again? Alas - as stewards of the planet - we have bit the big one and irrevocably harmed our planet. Move north of A-ville if you want to see the good stuff again.
Perused a few blogs today. There are some really talented and twisted people here! Makes me smile. I especially would like to give a shout out to skippy haha for the perfect breakfast recipe = clamato + vodka + worcestershire = bloody clam. Can't wait to try it!
Two weeks till Inaguration Day!I'm taking the day off. It will truly be historical. Of course, if the tourism industry doesn't rise up out of the crapper, I might already be on a forced vacation.
Anybody here bout Jeb Bush exploring the road to the White House in 2012?